Every bride dreams about walking down the aisle towards her groom on her wedding day. You visualize your dress, shoes, hair and make-up. And if you have an overactive imagination like I do you probably can even hear the sound of Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus” being played by a string quartet. I think of all if this when I dream about my wedding day. I also have a nightmare that my biological father will throw a fit, tackle my Dad, and take me down in the process. Crazy! I know. But it’s honestly how I feel. Unfortunately, like many people in this world I have a biological father and I have the father who raised me.
My biological father was there sporadically in the beginning of my life…or at least that’s what I’ve been told. I honestly can’t remember ever living with him. My earliest memory of interacting with him is when he used to pick me up every other weekend from my Mom. The weekends were filled with my favorite candy, a new toy, being able to stay out until the street lights came on, and no bedtime. It was like a vacation. When I was 8 my mom met and married my Daddy. In the beginning there was a lot of “You’re not my father” and “I don’t have to listen to you” going on, but after my first major spanking and punishment I learned not to utter those words. In my young mind my biological father was a shining star and my Daddy was just the man who stole my mother. But after a year of my Daddy putting up with my semi-bad behavior I realized that he truly loved and cared about me. At around the same time I started to realize that my biological father was not all that I thought. He started missing weekends, breaking promises, and missing recitals. The biggest disappointment came when I was 14 and he told me he was moving to Atlanta. He never told me a timeline, but he said that he was currently looking for a job. Three weeks later I called to wish him a happy birthday. His number had been disconnected. He moved without telling me goodbye.
I thank God that I was blessed to have my Daddy in my life because if I had to rely on my biological father I would be all messed up. My Daddy was there for all of my accomplishments and failures; he sacrificed to get me what I needed and even what I wanted. He is the epitome of what a father should be. I love him with all my heart and soul. He is the reason that I am the woman I am today. And that’s why my Daddy is walking me down the aisle, presenting me to my future husband, and receiving all of the privileges and honor of being the father of the bride. He deserves to shine on my wedding day as much as I do.
Some of my family and friends have asked me if I told my biological father that his only role at my wedding is that of a guest. I actually never thought I needed to tell him. In my mind he should already know. But a part of me believes that he thinks that he has been a good father. It’s crazy, but I honestly think that he believes that he has done everything that he could for me. As the wedding draws closer, I have been debating whether or not to let him know that he isn’t walking me down the aisle. It’s a conversation that I really don’t want to have because it will require me to tell him why he isn’t playing the role of the father of the bride. He hasn’t contributed anything in planning or paying for my wedding. More importantly, he hasn’t contributed anything into making me who I am! It’s a tough situation to be in, but I am going with my heart on this one. Maybe this will help him realize that our relationship…or the lack of one…needs improvement. We shall see.
