Adventures in Marriage Counseling: Dating on the Cheap

Marriage counseling is one of the most important things that a couple should do when getting prepared for marriage. Marriage counseling is like taking driving lessons. You wouldn’t get in a car with someone who never took a lesson, so why jump into a marriage without lessons. It’s true that nothing can truly prepare you for what it’s like to be married, but counseling can at least point you in the right direction. My honey and I are being counseled by Bishop Cox who has been married over 30 years. It is refreshing to get biblical based advice from someone who has been where we are about to go.

One of the first things Bishop Cox told us is to learn how to go out on a date without spending a bunch of money. The reason he said this is because every marriage is tested and sometimes the test deals with money…or the lack of it. He challenged us to go out on a date and not to spend a lot of money.

So that next week we went on a date to Brooklyn Bridge Park. We had dinner together at home and then drove over to the Bridge. We found a FREE parking space and then walked along the water looking at the beautiful NYC skyline. We stopped at the ice cream parlor and sat and had some ice cream ($7.00). We talked about any and everything and before we knew it 2 hours had went by. The total cost for our date was like $12 if you factor in the cost of gas. I say that’s pretty cheap.

Since then we have been on a couple of more cheap dates thanks to LivingSocial and Groupon. Recently we went to the movies and only spent $9.00. After the movie we had lunch and went for a walk. I am also always on the lookout for cheap restaurants and now that it’s summer there are a bunch of free concerts and street fairs.

We promised each other that when we get married and eventually have children we will continue to spend time with each other. And now that I am on to cheap dates, we aren’t spending more than $25, LOL!

A (Musical) Dedication to My Future Husband

This morning I rolled over and saw my future husband. He looked so peaceful as he slept. Every care put on hold. Every worry cast aside. In that very moment all my feelings for him felt like they multiplied. This man has given me so much without evening knowing it. Shoot, I didn't even know it. I thank God for him. As I was staring at him (in a non-stalker kind of way) the words to Jill Scott's "The Fact Is (I Need You)" popped into my head. Often times I joke with him and tell him how much he needs me and how blessed he is to be with me, but the truth is I NEED him in my life much more than I ever thought I would be willing to admit. So this morning I am dedicating this song to the man that I thought I would never "need" but that I always wanted.

"The Fact Is (I Need You)"

Jill Scott
I can pay my own light bill baby
Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection
I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don't change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don't change
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
We need you
We need you
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I need you
I do, I do, I do, I do
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
We need you
We do
We need you yeah
We need you

The Ring Doesn't Mean A Thing

When I got engaged one of the things I was happy about was no longer being a single girl in New York City. Now don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with being single. I enjoyed the majority of my single life.  Even now, I sometimes have a hard time forgoing my single ways. But in my naïve mind I thought that getting engaged would end all of the foolishness that came with being a single woman.  I’m talking about getting hit on. I really believed that my engagement ring would be like a little protective bubble against idiots, assholes and hood dudes. Sadly, it’s not!

I was on my way home the other day and a guy approached me, actually he grabbed me. We’ll call him Never because even if I was single I would NEVER give him the time of day.  So anyway, Never takes it upon himself to touch me which is a big no-no. Forgive me, but I have a thing with strangers touching me.  Once he grabbed my hand my inner hood rat came out and I snatched my hand away and gave him the meanest look I could muster.  Never had the audacity to look at me like I did something wrong and say, “What’s wrong with you?” Did I miss something here? A complete stranger grabs me and then has the gall to question what’s wrong with ME! Hilarious! I began to tell him that 1) I didn’t appreciate him touching me and 2) I was engaged. He proceeded to tell me that he didn’t care about my man and that he bet he could “put it down” better than my man could. I snickered at him as I walked away which I guess wasn’t the reaction he expected. He then called me an uppity bitch. I just shook my head and continued walking.

When I got home I began to wonder what happened to chivalry and the respect of women and the institution of marriage. Why did I have to be a bitch because I didn’t want some random dude touching me? There have been so many times when I have been called out of my name because I didn’t want to give a guy my number or didn’t turn around with eyes of passion when the local mating call of “Ey Ma” was tossed my way. But I thought that the sparkling solitaire diamond on my finger would protect me from such attacks. I really thought that being engaged and married garnered more respect than just having a boyfriend. I was clearly mistaken. Men need to learn how to be men and respect women. The crazy thing is that these dudes that disrespect women and the institution of marriage would probably be the first ones ready to fight if someone hit on or disrespected a woman they cared about. We need to teach our young men how to be real men and not some caricature they see on TV. Maybe then the disrespect will come to an end.